b intheair: May 2005

Monday, May 09, 2005

bartered love

Bartered love- is free love to make up for ones insecurity. Bartereed love is token love, given as a favor to meet ones immediate needs or desires. Its not long lasting, its much like a storm , comes and goes and is soon forgotten. Love stands the test of time however insignificant. Its the simple things that one forgets. Its the daily grind of going to work and bringing home a paycheck and not asking for anything in return. Its dealing with children and insecure wives that don't really know what love is. Love is not some fantasy world, its REAL. Its a sacrifice without asking for someting in return. I have a lot of love to give, this love is a callous from the from my past. Unaccepted behavior by loved ones that I now accept as a standard, pretty sad pretty bad, now accepted. Don't pity me, accept and drive on. The love I have comes from past abuse, its a callous that now stands the test of time. Its these abusive actions of my chilhood (physical beating and emotional beating) that allows these same abusive actions to continue in the life that I now live and accept and take for granted. This callous allows me too survive the daily grind and make it from day to day. At times I'm very critical which comes accross as someone who doesn't care, thats not the case. I just don't want to continue dealing with the pains of the past. Just because I'm able to forgive , doesn't mean I'm able and willing to forget. I will not allow people back in my life for their personal gain, too make them feel good about themselves. ITS ME! not you. You really need to wake the hell up.
BARTERED LOVE! forget it.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

what the hell

I hope like hell that every blog I write won't have the negative impact that this one will have. Today in the wonderful world of Baghdad Iraq (Camp Victory), the weather upon waking was incredible, lows 60's and overcast. I got up and hit the pavement this morning, running for 30 plus minutes (3-4 miles). Its been hard to muster up energy to do so, numerous ailments and just shity attitude. My feet have been killing me for the past couple of months (must be stress fx in my feet), it takes about 15 minutes of apprehensive steps before I can hit the road. It doesn't help the inability to sleep d/t numb tingling hand pain and a room-mate that leaves his TV on all noc (sonofabitch). It reminds of my wife, shes a hell of lot pretty than my room-mate though. New threat warning persist daily and I'm surprised we all haven't had ourselves blown to hell. I've stated several times, its not if we get hit, its when we get hit. Are we, are you prepared to get hit. Myself and another soldier are going start eating take out to limit our exposure to packed Dining Facilities. Yeah, there's security at the entances but there's also security at the posts/gate entrances that a drunk contractor came through. Once through the gate the contractor was able to hide himself long enough to sleep off his drunkeness. When the vehicle was located it was found to have several rounds penetrating the vehicle. Now think of insurgents doing the same. This all stems from, I'm sure, to the Italian reporter that was shot. Mind you the bitch is a known communist supporter/reporter that the government of Italy just paid 10 million for her release. I' m sure the money will go to the local food shelves to feed the Iraqi people (wrong, its going to be used to blow the hell out soldiers and Iraqi citizens) , thanks Italy. I don't think Americans understand whether we fight for human rights or oil, it fuels the economy. You dumb F--Ks that think we shouldn't be here, you can fight when we get home. I will be standing in the same soup lines you will be and I'll be damned if your going to take food from mouths of my children. I'll kick your asses there too. Have a good day.

what the hell

Blog starts here

Well I've procrastinated three days in starting this. I recently responded to a blog that made me register. I'm a soldier in the MNARNG, currently operating in OIF III (OPERATION IRAQI FREEDOM). I'm a 91 w (medic), serving with the 18th AIRBORNE, MNC-I Surgeon Cell out of Camp Victory. Located between the city of Baghdad and the BIAP (Baghdad International Airport), on the palace grounds of old Sadaam H. As a medic, my job will be to perform on the PDHA team (Post Deployment Health Assessment), these are health assessments that are performed on soldiers returning to the states. This covers soldiers general well-being along with physical and mental being. On our team we have 11 soldiers, OIC-NCOIC and 9 worker bees. Our team is than broken down into two teams, north and south. I'm team leader working out of FOB Speicher, my team consists of three other soldiers. We cover FOB's (forward operating bases) north of Baghdad to the border. Getting to and from our locations is provided by helicopter (UH-60's and CH-47) and military convoys, there can be interesting times. The temperature today was in the low 80's with a nice breeze. Now as the evening approaches we have overcast skys. Two days ago we had some wild weather, quick shower at dusk and than the winds really picked up. It was nice to have had shower as it helped keep the dust down. The winds were a steady 30mph and must have hit 50mph (apprx). You could almost lay into the wind without falling over. There's been a lot of new construction taking place, while heading back to our hooches for the nite we had to dodge steel siding flying through the air. When the sun came up in the morning there was not a cloud in the skies, temps cooled off nicely. On our way to work you could see biffies lying on there sides with the blue goo flowing. Things have been pretty slow as of late. Were in the process of eliminating our jobs and training units to take our jobs over. The big training push is coming which will take us throughout much of Iraq. That pretty well covers my existance in the Iraq.