If this is what things have come to I surrender. Erik has been giving me a bad time and things have really come to a head. I often wakeup with Erik pacing over my head, hey Erik settle down things will be OK, go to sleep. Will I wake up in the morning? Well it was a waste of a day, the winds blowing and sands hanging in the air. No flights today because the visibility is poor. Temps hit 111 degrees which felt cool compared to yesterdays 121. Life and time goes on and the days are counting down for R&R. My baby girl is waiting for her papa to come home and celebrate her second birthday. It seems as though I don't even know who she is. Moms got my picture on the monitor and she keeps walking by it and calling for me and looking around the house. I feel so guilty for not seeing my little girl girl grow up. I happened to be on active duty when she was born. I feel as though shes been left out of my life, she was the only child that I never got to see come in the world. As time goes by here, it will be a lifetime of catching up at home. Well, it going on 8 mos, I finally got pictures of the kids, theirs not a minute of the day that I'm not thinking of the kids (6). The kids have mom haggered and she doesn't have time to think. I hope she survives the deployment. I hope I survive the loneliness.