b intheair: September 2005

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

AHHHHHH SHITTTTT!

This is a greeting that is shared with my BEST BUD, he resides in Sandown NH. There was an anonymous comment from Sandown and can only imagine who the hell it was from. I never invited him to the post-SHIT now I'm gonna have to watch what I say. I've known Dave since my USMC days. I would have to say its close to 20 yrs that I've known him. I have nobody in my life other than wife and kids-Except DAVE. Dave and I traveled the world together and have done some questionable things. I always have to laugh when I think of us. I'm not a small guy by any means-well Dave isn't either. I will never forget the times we had in the Phillipines. We used to hit the ville aboard a mini-bike that was built for one. Yeah me and Dave both got are fat asses on that bike and headed to the ville. I think we have pics-we looked like the fattest twins and think thats what the unit referred to us as. The funny thing was, every body wanted a ride somewhere. You could always see us riding to ville together with all laughing and jeers. I usually don't hold back what I say-I remember a time when we were in Australia, I did just that. Dave and I were with a squadron of A-6s that went there for a mission. Unlike the army, rank structure is stressed, SGM was GOD-discipline was the game. Mind you the SGM had not a clue what airplanes were or what we used them for (thats right, a dumb F--k that stresses discipline and doesn't have a clue as to what the mission of the unit was for. This being the case he strutted around with nothing to do but be an ass. He expected coffee to be served or at least ready for him when he came in. Well, there was the time he came in and interrupted a maintenance meeting to ask where his coffee was. Nobody had the balls to tell him it wasn't ready. He asked several times and it got to a point where he was making a scene. Nobody knew what to say and nobody responded. So like the ass I am, I spoke up. I told the SGM that there was no coffee made for him, if he would give me his cup, I'd fill it up. I stated that I'd had the shits for the last couple of days, give me your cup and I'll shit in it for you. Well, needless to say there was dead silence-SGM really didn't know how to respond. Needless to say, I got stuck guarding the flag-yeah thats right, stand out at the flag pole and salute the flag. He never did say whether he appreciated my humor or not. I haven't changed much other than having less patience for idiots. Gotta go- (was that you bud)

Friday, September 09, 2005

SPF AND LIAR, LIAR!



Well its no laughing matter, while your minding your business and doing your business the last thing you want to see is a fury black eyed rodent (THATS BEING NICE), damn rat staring you in the eye. While your in this position its a little hard to get away. The only thought that goes through my mind is what the hell or how the hell am I going explain this to my wife (how I got bit there). You always here about the gays and hamsters or hobby house trick they do for kicks, but explain to a DR, gettin bit there. Yeah that hole in the floor in the bottom right of the picture is one of the entry points (up through the sewer). Now all those foot prints on the counters and shelves are? You guessed it, shit tracks, NICE. Well lets get to the point of liar, liar. Yes, I lie, in fact if I looked the 10 Commandments up(I would have too), I think I'd hit 80% out of the 10. In fact, the only one I think I haven't broke is MURDER and with the worthless pieces of ------- that one may happen too (JUST KIDDING LOL). The older I get the less I lie and manipulate people, in fact people will tell in certain circumstances I should lie. Hell NO! If some dumb-ass is going to be stupid enough to ask if he's fat and he stands 5'0 and weighs 500 lbs., hell I'm going to tell him if he stands still long enough, I'll punch him in the nose and throw mud on him and he would look just like a damn pig. When it comes down to it, my wife will tell you I'm pretty honest and I would have to take that as a compliment (come on mom, put a plug in for me). Well the other day we were trying to eliminate rat food and came accross a hoard of chocolate that our fearless leader was hiding, he didn't know we knew. Erik asked if he had any the next day and he out and out LIED. Then in fun we confronted him and he again came up with an outlandish bullsit story you could smell stateside. Anyway he happens to run around and preach the GOSPEL and morality and your a naughty boy for this and that. I know its childish but there have been numerous bullshit and lying stories that have come out that has landed Erik and myself in hot water and were really getting sick of it. Anyway, I preach to my wife and kids, TRUST nobody. Those you least suspect, will bend you over. For you that bend me over and ask for forgiveness, I'll forgive, but I will never forget. Bend me over once and when you least suspect it, need it the most, you will never recover. NOW THATS THE GOSPEL, I live it, I preach it, you can't survive without it. Theirs always someone lurking, BEWARE of the wolf in sheep skin, their gonna try and GET YOU!

Thursday, September 08, 2005

RAT KILLERS

THE BLACK BOX OF DEATH-This box has a food tray full of wonderful DECON which is to make your red blood cells rupture and make them bleed to death-the only problem with that, is he may leave and we won't know if we kill'em or not. If you see the tape on the floor, this is where a shitter used to sit. The smell permeates up through the floor. This is torture because you have the shit smell continuously thoughout the office. It doesn't matter how often you brush your teeth you always smell SHIT.
Now this baby we nicknamed the THUMPER-it about snapped 2-3 fingers off Erik's hand-hey buddy you might be able to get a Purple Heart for that one
KILLER OF MICE-Now come, this is ridiculous. At best this is only going to piss the rat off. Now instead of running away and playing games with the Colonel, he's liable to jump off the file cabinet and start chewing on his neck. I'd hate to come in and see the Colonel laying on the floor because he had the shit scared out of him and he ran into the wall trying to get away. I have this vision of coming in the office and see the Colonel laying on the floor with a rat standing on his chest with an Iraqi flag saying is this all you have for me. Come on, you can do better than this you dumb SOB.
STICKY PAPER-come-on, the only thing this damn paper is going to do is be a mild annoyance and again just piss him off (like gum on a shoe). At most this will pull some hair out or rip some skin off. As for hair, who give a rats ass. EXACTLY, that is just what I want, a rats ass on a platter. Dammit, I want to see results, dead rat carcuss in a pile. You know what they say, if theirs one, theirs 20. In the days to come, I'll post a picture if were successful. Maybe Erik and I'll perform an autopsy. OK were bored.

RATS, RATS, RATS!


Rats, rats, rats! Thats right G-damn rats, can you believe we have rats in our work place. I think if there were rats in any building back in the states as far as government buildings, their would be one hell of an outcry. Here its a day of life, yes, we seen dead rats in the office. The dumb SOB ate the sponge liners in our kevlar (thats the hats that we wear to keep the bullets from entering our brain cavities. The damn rat ate the foam liners that had salt and dander and G-damn hair in my case as it falls out. We know this because one of the soldiers noticed hunks of foam missing from his kevlar. We didn't know the culprit til we smelled the G-damn rotting carcus that had been there for quite some time because we couldn't figure out the smell til we happened upon it (we noticed the smell for weeks and couldn't figure out what it was). I only bring this up because the Colonel came back in the middle of the nite or early morning, only to see this rat running accross the desks, counters and shelves. Like what the hell are you going to do Colonel, he said he was chasing him around the office. I laugh because we were going through a box of clothes where he had seen one coming out of and as he was going through it I grabbed his arm and said RAT. Well needless to say this old man about shit his pants and his heart skipped 2-3 beats. I about pissed my pants I was laughing so damn hard. A Kevlar such as the one above claimed our first rat. We didn't do an autopsy but it had to be the killer. I know this to be an effective killer because my GRANDFATHER used to kill stray dogs which used to kill his sheep out on the praire. He used sponges soaked with gravy and lard which consequently killed him also by clogging his arteries. When the dogs came to get their sponge dinners, they choked the sponge down which gave them a bowel obstruction which in turn made them septic and killed their dumb-asses. He also used to take gunny-sacks, he would fit them over his hubcaps somewhat like you would put a trash can liner in a trash-can. Then he would drive up and down the road slow enough for the dogs to run and bite at the tires and get their teeth caught in the gunny-sack which would in turn, snap their necks. Ingenuity-hell you might be able to get a patent with this one.

Monday, September 05, 2005

THROWING SHOES

O' WHERE O' WHERE HAVE YOU GONE!


Well its 0500 in the morning, been up since 0300. I've been thinking of my wonderful wife. I placed several calls over the last couple of days with no luck (phone lines were down yesterday). I know you worked over the last couple of days and are probably tired, just miss you. Its race day this morning so as I'm blogging while keeping an eye on the race. On my way down to the office you have one those thoughts of? Where the hell am I? As I look off in the distance I see the palace completely dark with the exception of a few lights. Its pretty incredible just thinking of where I'm at and what I'm doing. The weather tonite/morning is just beautiful and somewhat cool (probably low 80's but very nice. Never thought I'd say 80 degrees was cool but it is) and the skies are very clear. You can just see the stars just bursting in the sky, just so brilliant and bright. Well yesterday was a slow day and everything Erik did just drove me crazy (whistling, clapping his hands, and then had his earphone in and jamming. Mouthing music, clapping and rocking back and forth in his chair). As this is going on he's trying to carry on a conversation with the Colonel. What he doesn't realize is when he's listening to music, he hears about 2-3 words out of a sentence. The Colonel repeats what he's saying 3 or 4 times, sometimes I'd like to rip that God-damn earphone right out of his ear. I don't think the Colonel knows that he has an earphone in or if he even knows what an earphone is. I got so frustrated or annoyed that I just started laughing instead of choking his dumb-ass. Yeah, I get on his nerves too. Well yesterday we threw horseshoes and you can see the pictures. Won one and lost one. You can also see my coffee cup that I forgot to wash or rinse out when I went on leave, MMMMMMMMMM. Let me get a knife and spread that wonderful mold on some bread. TTYL

Friday, September 02, 2005

ALL IN A DAY



Wednesday started early, 0500 setup and 0600 shot clinic was up and running. It was an incredibly long day which finally ended around 1830 hours. The numbers are still coming in but would have to say Erik and I seen 200 plus soldiers with some soldiers getting 2-3 and 4 shots coming to a total of about 600 shots. By the end of the day we were fit to be tied, as people just kept coming. It will be interesting to see how many we actually did. Erik and I also did our debut in the show business as we made several public address announcement for the MN Army National Guard which will debut at Viking and Gophers games. It seemed a bit hokey but what the hey. PT (physical fitness test) scheduled for the end of the month so I've been getting up early to hit the gym. Eriks been complaining that my early morning workouts are bothering his beauty sleep. I've been hitting the rack early and he's been staying up late playing the X-Box, so I guess turnabout is fair play. Looking forward to hereing a post and seeing pictures of my son riding his bike without training wheels. I felt so guilty that my R&R came to an end without being able to put my sons chain back on his bike before I left which I never got too. The next door neighbors put the chain on but couldn't do much about training wheels (broken) which helped jump start his riding without training wheels. It always makes you proud to see your children make mileposts in life. Post a picture for me mom. Gotta go, love you all.